Should you tell your children about the divorce one at a time?

Getting divorced, of course, is a huge part of your life and a huge change. Once you and your spouse decide that you’re going to do it, you need to break the news to the children. 

Now, it may seem like it would be best to have these conversations one at a time. This gives you more time to talk directly to one child, and you can really have a deep conversation that addresses their needs and their questions. No one feels like they get left out or that they don’t have time to talk. But is this really the best way to do it?

It’s a risk not to tell them all at once

Generally speaking, most people agree that you should actually talk to your children about your divorce all at the same time. It’s best to have you and your spouse call them for a family meeting where you answer their questions together and talk to them about what is coming. 

The issue is that it’s risky to only talk to one child at a time. What if that child talks to the others before you do? What if they post about it on social media? Sure, you can ask them not to do these things, but there’s no guarantee. If one of your children finds out about the divorce from someone other than you, it can really be harmful to them and may cause many trust issues. 

What to do after the conversation

Once you’ve had this conversation, take a look at your child custody options to find a plan that works for your family. If you and your spouse can work together to protect the best interests of your children, you can hash out an agreement that is customized to your family’s needs.